An open letter to my unborn son

Woah, my last update was back in 2018 and Covid was at its peak! Today 9th Jan 2024, we are still going through Covid and just last night Tim told me, he has a mild sore throat and is worried that he might have caught it for the 3rd time and that he is worried he would passed it on to me at my 31 weeks of pregnancy! But Covid is no longer at its peak, it’s just a mild flu now.

And yes, we are pregnant with our 1st baby boy, Levi. Guess Elijah isn’t in the list anymore. 

I guess our timeline worked out quite well, reading back my time capsule, I mentioned that i hope I would be married and would have at least a child by 33. I am on track 😂. Married to Tim as expected, no doubts there 🤣 as I am typing this, my husband is sleeping soundly beside me at 10.21am on a Wed morning!?!? 😂 #whatswork #caneatone

Anyway, this post is meant to be an open letter to my baby boy, which we have only met through ultrasound. I feel so emotional writing this but I want to pin this down so I am able to look back and remember this is how I felt at this exact time.

Dear baby boy/precious boy/my son shine,

Mummy and daddy love you so much, we have yet to meet each other in person but you are constantly on our mind 24/7 since the day we found out we were pregnant with you on 3rd Jul 2023. Mummy is tearing up just writing this coz she had been waiting for you for the longest time. Mummy is also worried that she might not be enough for you. Mummy is worried for your health, every night we pray for you to be healthy this lifetime. 

We are probably 6 weeks away from seeing you, you would be full term by 37 weeks and we are looking to have you that week. Mummy n daddy are so close to meeting you and having you in our arms. We are so excited yet worried and scared at the same time. Please be kind to us when you are here, we will do our best in giving you the best. All we hope is for you to be healthy and kind.

Daddy has been talking to you since early 2nd trimester when you probably couldn’t even hear yet but daddy made it a habit to talk to you every night before bedtime. We talk to you even more nowadays, we tell you about our day and what would we be doing the next day, what we had for lunch n dinner, we even play Disney piano pieces for you, hoping that you would fall in love with Disney like mummy. Mummy hope when you are here, you will be easily calmed and soothe by our voices. 

We have already purchase 90% of your items, the baby cot should be arriving within the next week and daddy would be setting it up without mummy’s help. Daddy isn’t very handy and sometimes a bit too lazy for mummy’s liking but anyhoo I know it would be done cause it for you! 😜 Daddy gave mummy the best of the best during this pregnancy, what mummy wants to eat, daddy would sure deliver 😂 but it comes with a lot of ridiculous restrictions also. Daddy is always reading so much on google that he thinks everything is going to make mummy have a preterm birth so mummy had quite a bit of cravings that could not be satisfied this pregnancy. Biggest cravings of all time is Bak Kut Teh, you nv had a taste of BKT in mummy’s belly but we would defly introduce it to you when you are 1 years plus. It’s mummy staple cause she is from Klang 🤭.

When we 1st found out about you, mummy was very adamant on just having a caesarean cause so many friends around her end up having an emergency caesarean when they were trying for a natural birth. But mummy is in so much dilemma the past few weeks, she is thinking of this is the best she can do for you? Is mummy taking the easy way out to have you? Will you have a lower immunity because you are not a natural birth baby. Mummy always overthink and as she was talking to daddy last Sunday, she was bawling so much. Daddy said not to worry and just do what is best for myself but mummy don’t know what’s best for herself and also for you. So, mummy pray every night seeking for a firm answer from God, not sure if the final decision has come to mummy yet. Maybe mummy will know better as you are closer to your birth date. Anyhoo, mummy just want you to come out safely into the world, everything after is secondary.

We are counting down to the day we finally meet you baby L! Please be patient and wait till after CNY to grace us with your present. We have a lifetime with you baby boy. Mummy n daddy hope you don’t come out before your planned date. We love you so much and we hope you will always be happy, healthy and kind.

That’s all for this post. It 10.49am and mummy might want to take a short nap again before daddy wakes up.

Signing off,

Your silly mummy that loves you so much!

Time Capsule (For a 33 years old Sam)

Dear Moon & Stars,

Today is the 15th May 2020, checked that my last update was in 2018. Can't believe its been 2 years since I last visited my blog. My last post was a mad update on how Tim goes crazy about what goes on my social media. We have long past that stage, thank God. Haha

Anyways, we are going through a pandemic now, that one calls Coronavirus/Covid 19 that has taken 302K lives & still counting.. We are 3 days away from being under the Movement Control Order (MCO) for 2 entire months, yet we have 1 more month to go. But that good thing is, since the 4th of May, it has been switched to Condition MCO.. So we were allowed to finally go out and go about our day to day activities. It was tough being at home & away from my family for almost 2 months. But it's gonna get better I hope though the vaccine is still no where close. 

I am writing this as a reminder to the 5 years older Sam. Hoping that she would be a wiser person by then.

Dear Sam,

You are 33 years old now and I hope that you are finally settled down with at least a child, hopefully a cute baby girl name Leah or a baby boy name Elijah. This 2 names have been on ur baby name list for a while now, I hope we did managed to utilize them.. I know that your husband is Tim now as you know that he would be the one you are marrying as you can see how much he loves & care about you. You have been pestering him so much on getting married as soon as we can but he wants to make sure everything is in order 1st before he propose.. Tim is a very systematic person, he plans things out when it comes to life but never have a proper plan when it comes to day to day dealings with me. Lol

While going through the MCO, you broke down 2 times to be precise thinking of how restricted you are at home, confined within 4 walls and how affected you are financially.. You have no income for a whole 2 months but just recently started teaching again at private home pools as accessing to public pools are still not allowed. You are currently only teaching Jacob, Sophie, Jing Yue & Hao Yang, which would now be 11, 9, 11 & 8+ respectively. I hope you still remember them as they are all super duper adorable.

During this MCO, you did a couple of activities, from cooking to baking to painting to even sewing but it was not enough to keep you away from ovwrthinking during sleepy time. You are someone who over thinks too much & get very annoyed at what you think people are thinking of you.

I wouldn't say you are struggling financially but you know that it isn't good to not have any sort of income coming in for an entire 2 months. So, you starting doing this direct sales program under Norwex. Norwex is very trendy atm in the social media sphere... Lotsa young household are changing their household cleaning tools to Norwex, no denial that it is very very expensive but the quality is undeniable! 

That being said, you kept thinking if you will be able to meet your set target? Why is no one purchasing from you? Are you being too pushy on social media? Are you updating too much of Norwex related update?

You have all this thoughts in you constantly and that puts so much stress on you. You wouldnt share it with Tim knowing what he would say. Tim would prolly just say, "why are you worrying so much.. You know these things are expensive, so definitely sales are gonna be slow, you know ur frens are all at the age where they don't have kids or own a house so why would they be buying these items" . And so, with these thoughts, you never share with Tim your struggles. But to keep praying that whatever you shared atm and to those who you have shared with will come back to you and wanting to buy them to try..

Above all these worries, you felt that your friends tried to make fun of what you are trying so hard to make a living out of.

You constantly tell yourselves not to get so worked up with what ppl think of you or would say about you but you can't shrug those thoughts of sometimes. It bothers you to your deepest core that ppl would be so sarcastic sometimes..

For example YS saying 'Nah, not I lebih one. She really can use the cloth to wipe the vegetables and fruits one... hahah'

It was really very irritating to see such remarks.

You just kept quiet and ignored what he said entirely. He knows that you are struggling to try to earn smtg for not being able to teach for 2 months and he knows you kept saying that you will be eating grass very soon yet he would bring himself to say smtg like this. Maybe he didn't meant what he said but it all wouldn't matter now would it. If it doesn't hurt or pains you in 5 years time then you shouksnt worry about it too much, Tim once told you this.

The 28 years old you try to avoid having too many girlfriends/friends because you don't feel the need for having too many friends that brings too much drama in life. You hate being involved or even the slightest interest in drama or gossips. You listens but you always wonder why would people do such things. You are no angel by all means but you try to refrain as much as you can coz these things are all without purpose, you can say that you are somebody that cares very little over unnecessary happenings. 

Pushing those aside, I really hope that you are now wiser and more carefree with minimal negativity in you. I hope that life has been treating you right & most importantly I hope that you have lived the past 5 years with minimal struggles & pain but more of happiness and loving-ness. I hope that your family members are all healthy and well, and you have not suffered from any lost of family members.

I hope that you are happily married with a home that you can call yours, with a ever so loving & successful husband. A life where you don't have to think much of financial strrugles anymore. 

Ultimately, I hope that you managed to go through any troubles or struggles with minimal sufferings; that you are able to take life 1 step at a time and not push urself too harsh..

Always remember to love yourself and do good, have a good mindset, never an evil 1, restrain from having bad or harmful thoughts. Be empathetic & always try to put yourself in another person shoe.

Love,

28 years old Sam.